终于

又过了一个星期

昨天抽了血

明天照超声波

见医生

就能知道需不需要动手术

这三个星期

我什么都不能做

也什么都不想做

明天开学了

我也没心情想学校的事

。。。

希望我正在康复中

There was severe cramping and some bleeding last night.

Although it was painful but it probably means that the medicine is taking effect.

Then this morning I found a round blood mass ( slightly bigger than a marble ) when I went to the toilet. It should be the yolk sac ( just called doc and she said it is not ). Cramping is gone. Bleeding seemed to have ceased. But why does my heart feel so sad?

Still worrying...hope the blood test n checkup nx mon will bring some good news.

Went back for a checkup today, things are not looking well.

Scan showed that baby is till there and growing in my left fallopian tube. Worse still, there's heartbeat. Doc suggested that I take another injection...if it still doesn't work, i will have to undergo surgery. Meanwhile, I face the danger of rupture anytime and if that happens, it will be a real emergency.

It is a horrible agonizing experience. Tests after tests. Scans after scans. And nothing's solved.

Fear. Discomfort. Emotional Pain.

I so wished it will end soon. But now, it's another beginning to a new wait.

好快
假期只剩一周了
心情渐渐平复了

明天要验血
后天要照超声波
希望不要再有什么坏消息了

其实发生事的那一周
老公不在身边
只有妈妈
陪我去医院做检查
帮我办入院手续
陪我等医生来打针
至今每天打电话给我
问东问西

另外
还有朋友们的鼓励

有位好友下班后来医院看我
刚好遇到我打针
打了针后
我哭了
还好她在
不然我可能会哭一整晚

遇到这种事
很多人都不懂得要说什么安慰的话
但你们的心意
我懂

我会好好的
虽然我很爱哭
但我其实很坚强

I guess everything happens for a reason

And life goes on...

度过了痛苦的一周

痛苦，还没有结束

从兴奋

到惶恐

到绝望

到现在的

伤心

不安

不确定

我不知道

我是怎么走过来的

我以为我能坦然

但只要一提起

或想起

我就会禁不住流泪

那种感觉

就像是至亲的人离开时

心被撕裂

的疼

我不明白

为什么是我

心

有不甘

但却无力

*****************************

是子宫外孕

上星期被检验出时须马上入院

没有动手术

只打了一支很贵的针

但打了针后

必须检查再检查

验血再验血

只为了证明

我的宝宝是否已经完全"消失"

好残忍

我是应该好好照顾自己的身体

但好像没有

因此最近觉得身体开始不能负荷

我还能笑

还能闹

但独处时

或听到妈妈的声音时

就很想哭

然后就哭了

当然

我知道

很快，我就会没事的

很快，就得开始工作

但这次的失去

夺去了我的很多

不知道什么时候才能完全复原

孩子，

你为什么这么顽皮？

你为什么走失了？

你为什么让妈妈这么痛心？

你在哪里？

让我看看你，好吗？

Short hair

I never knew I love short hair so much..Reminds me of the AHS days.

I am sick of long hair because it never seem to b able to dry completely. It's oily, messy
, frizzy and worst of all it causes more hair loss. I am not really bothered if I looked nice in short hair because the shiok feeling is good enough :)

Going for a checkup tmr to see if the lil one is healthy anot. I can't help but worry worry worry. It doesn't help when almost everyone knows (not me..) which puts unnecessary stress on me. I understand that it's something worth celebrating but what if..

But anyway I keep telling myself that things will be fine. What will be will be.

Baby,
Pls be healthy n well.
Mummy

Teachers complain a lot

There has been quite a bit of talk about teachers' workload on Yahoo, Straits Times etc. It seems that I have been complaining about it on my blog quite often :P

Although I like to complain about how busy I am, I seriously feel that we are not the busiest and definitely not the most stressed out. I complain on my blog because IT IS MY BLOG, but I won't think of bringing it to the press.

But then...I don't have any children yet. The lady who wrote to Straits Times couldn't take it anymore that her husband (a teacher) is spending so much time on work and neglecting the family. I am sure her words are true and valid because I have seen so many of such cases around me.

I think fellow teachers have to remind themselves...no matter how passionate you are about the job, family is still of utmost importance. The ideal is to strike a balance but if you can't, maybe you should think of career alternatives. That's what I will do, if one day I have children and still spending 99% on work.

Nothing much will change. Workload will only increase. Those who wrote to the press might find themselves in trouble soon. I have long ago accepted the fact that it is impossible to change the system. So, I can only reflect, change my mentality and my choices.

It's not sad, it's just the way *** is.